Member Article

5 ways to stay stuck in a rut

I’m sure your life is precisely the fairytale you dreamed up but, it might surprise you to learn that there are millions of women out there, just like you, who are feeling completely trapped in lives that haven’t turned out quite the way they’d expected. Better yet, there are many who have the exact life they planned, and yet find that their great plan actually only amounts to a pile of stress, worry, and disappointment.

And I’m sure that you, with your ideal life, can’t possibly imagine how these women manage to maintain this life of disillusionment, when there are so many fantastic opportunities out there to make their lives magnificent; but they do! And I’m going to share with you the secret methods they employ to keep it up!

1. They believe that they don’t deserve any better

Yes, they’ve succumbed to the limited views of their parents, peers, teachers, and the media, that tells them they’re not good enough to enjoy a better life, because they’re not extraordinary enough. They weren’t born into a life of privilege and they aren’t clever enough to compete elsewhere. Their only duty in life was to get a “responsible” job, be a good employee, find a suitable husband, and generate 2.4 little lives to carry on the tradition. They’ve agreed to live inside the little box that they’ve built over the years, and sworn never to look beyond it (remember The Truman Show?). They’re even helping to build the boxes around their impressionable offspring!

2. They’ve decided that they’re a victim of their circumstances

They take no responsibility for their situation. They truly believe that life happens to them and have no concept of how to really change things. They see no connection between their beliefs, attitudes, choices, and the rut that they’ve found themselves in. They’re constantly complaining about how people treat them and what rotten luck they have. After all, if it wasn’t for bad luck, they’d have none at all. They’re always put upon by others, seen as the easy target for extra work, and regularly called on to assist friends and family with menial and mental tasks. They just seem to attract woe from all angles. They’re in the thick of everybody else’s drama and they get dragged into life’s disasters, even when they’re not directly affected.

3. They’ve decided that they don’t have the resources to succeed

These women, with great untapped potential, will tell you that they’d love to make a change. And, they would. If only they weren’t so reliant on that regular wage coming in (to pay the credit card that’s maxed out because they bought so much stuff while trying to make up for the disappointment of their life). Or if they only had a little more time (despite finding plenty time to mindlessly surf facebook and play candy crush). Perhaps if they had more childcare options, were a bit thinner and not quite so tall, had studied harder, had a more supportive family, had taken a different career path, had married better, had saved more, or had learned origami! You get the picture…

4. They’re afraid of making a mistake

More than anything, these women are terrified of making a mistake. The risks for them are just far too great. And they are afraid of EVERYTHING. They’re entire focus is on what they have to lose, rather than what they have to gain. They’re afraid to upset the status quo; of not having enough money (to buy the stuff that makes other people think they have a great life, even though they don’t); of looking foolish in front of family, friends and enemies, and even complete strangers; of having to live with the consequences (apparently the devil they know is a better choice than the unknown potential of a life lived fully); and, even of how they’d cope with a successful life if they finally got it! Well, it’s a big scary world out there, you know? And so, it’s clearly a far better option to stay stuck in a life of Groundhog days than to pursue something incredible in case they don’t get it right on the first attempt.

5. They’ve developed habits that limit their potential

These women often stay up late, press snooze repeatedly each morning, and constantly re-affirm, in their own minds and out loud, how busy/tired/stressed/(insert word of choice) they are! They eat badly, exercise irregularly and probably consume more alcohol than a wild west gun-slinger. They’ve programmed their mind, through flippant comments and chaotic thoughts, to believe they’re always late, have a bad memory, lack grace, intelligence, skills and/or experience to be anything more than what they are right now. In fact, they’ve so convinced themselves of these limitations, that they find themselves acting out these very characteristics and thus reinforce the shoddy view they have of themselves.

What do you think?

Do you know any women like this?

I do, because I used to be one of them.

What about you?

What advice would you give to such a woman?

This was posted in Bdaily's Members' News section by the GET A LIFE coach .