Member Article

Positivity - Secret to life, love and getting paid

Tony Robbins. Mr. Rogers. And yes, Charlie Brown.

Three very misunderstood people. And it’s a massive misunderstanding that holds the key to getting paid. Except when it doesn’t. That’s why they are misunderstood. With me? No.

Ok. Hold that thought up in the air for a moment.

Do you know what the process of childbirth is called? If you are of the female persuasion and have actually experienced it, you might answer with “hell on earth” or “the devil’s torture chamber”. I don’t want to even guess the ridiculous answers from men — unless you are a doctor.

If you are doctor or scientist, you refer to the childbirth process as a positive feedback system. Wait, what? Yep, as strange as it may sound, the one event in a woman’s life that is probably one of the most painful is a positive feedback system.

Let me explain. You have contractions. This releases oxytocin. Once the oxytocin is in the body, it stimulates more contractions. This increases the amplitude and frequency of contractions. And voila!

Turns out that oxytocin is not only part of the closed system of positive feedback which makes childbirth possible, it is also what makes it possible for us to be social, relieve stress and be generous.

Stress relief is pretty straight forward, but being social is due to it’s ability to create a feeling of optimism when around others. But, the really cool thing is it’s ability to make us feel and act more generous.

What does it have to do with Tony Robbins?

It turns out that we are wired in several ways to act with a positive bias. Whether that means as part of a positive feedback chemical process to give birth, with positivity and optimism when engaging with others, or whether it’s leveraging that positivity to be more generous.

And we all know how this works in love and life, right? Positive outlook. Positive energy. Positive feedback. They all contribute to finding, keeping and enjoying the company of others.

But, what does this have to do with getting paid?

Simple.

It turns out that when we act with a positive bias in our business, it helps us achieve the results that surpass traditionally cynical approaches to doing business. Sure, your cynical, negative, zero-sum approach might win in the short term. This is how 90% of sales managers justify their jobs. But, you will work harder and suffer more dips in revenue. And it doesn’t last.

The smart businesses are using positive bias as a competitive advantage.

They are doing this because it creates opportunities, attracts customers and partners, and makes the business more durable. But, don’t take my word for it, look at 30+ years of research culminating in the Harvard Negotiation Project book, Getting to Yes where the data suggests deals completed, when both sides benefit, outlast all other types of deals.

“Footfalls echo in the memory, down the passage we did not take, towards the door we never opened, into the rose garden.“ ― T.S. Eliot, Four Quartets

Opportunities. Easy to miss if you don’t carry a positive bias. If you are always looking at the downside, you will find it difficult to find the upside. Case in point: Airbnb. Several people in the venture capital circles turned them down because they couldn’t see beyond the potential downsides of litigation. Airbnb is now the largest hotelier and valued at nearly $20 billion.

A bit closer to home. What about that meeting you were going to have with the small start-up with a crazy idea. They just needed some advice. You were too busy. You missed the opportunity to help, create a relationship that may have proved helpful in the future.

But how do you know which meetings to choose? You can’t go to all of them. Your gut. Positive bias doesn’t mean do everything with everyone. It means the things you choose to do, carry an attitude of positivity into the meeting — an openness to what might be possible. Seems obvious. It’s not. Especially when your boss wants to know the reason for every meeting — you start looking at all meetings as if they were immediate transactions. You lose the positive bias, openness.

Attracting customers is easier. Think about who you want to be around at a party. Do you want to hang around with the doubter, the hater, the one with the dismal outlook? Or perhaps the person telling great stories, capturing your imagination, and yes, beaming with a positive vibe? I thought so.

Positive bias acts like a key. A key that unlocks the door to long-term relationships. When you have the other person’s interest in mind and your always working towards a positive solution, a relationship is born. Strong relationships make durable businesses, with less volatility.

So what about our three gents. How are they misunderstood?

• Tony Robbins is often dismissed as this overly positive person. He isn’t. He is a person with a positive bias. It’s a small, but significant difference. Overly positive is delusional. A positive bias is the ability to carry realism and optimism simultaneously.

• Mr. Rogers was the sometimes goofy friend of all children on daytime television in the USA during the 70s and 80s. He was also dismissed for a happy go lucky attitude towards everything. He wasn’t happy go luck. He was open. Open to the possibility of others doing great things. He made you feel this. He convinced you to fill the void of possibility.

• And Charlie Brown? Well, he just never saw it coming. Lucy had him everytime. What a fool, thinking people are nice. Thinking people change. Nope. I see Charlie Brown as the reminder of what happens even when we take a positive bias forward. It doesn’t always work out. The lesson Charlie Brown is teaching us is that you will fail, sometimes. With or without positive bias. Charlie Brown worried alot. Didn’t really help him, did it? But, importantly, when he believed — we believed. And the people who will make fools of us? Well, they will fail in the end — it becomes obvious to others that they are unworthy of our trust and as a result our positive bias helps everyone around us.

Are you bringing a positive bias to your interactions?

What are you missing out on because you see risk in positivity?

This was posted in Bdaily's Members' News section by Todd Hannula .