Member Article

10 Things I Have Learnt About Breastfeeding

As the mother of 5month old, who has previously blogged about business, economies and engineering, blogging about becoming a parent seemed like it should be a doddle. Yet the more personal a subject becomes the more opinionated it can become. And I guess that is what has happened to me. I decided I wanted to write down my thoughts about this process to get it off my chest (cheap pun) but also to explain my experience to other mothers and tell them that “whatever you are going through you are not alone”, having said that….

1. You are on your own.

The first thing you become acutely aware of, which may have seemed obvious to some but didn’t to me, you are on your own if you decide to breastfeed. There I said it, the awful truth. No matter how many reassuring noises or cups of tea are brought there is no one else who can help breastfeed your child. Now many of us are used to responsibility in our lives, work, socially, home ownership/management but nothing can prepare you for the concept that you are entirely responsible for that child’s ability to continue functioning.

You are also acutely aware that this is not like having a pet goldfish that if you forget to feed him and he decides to swim upside down for a day or two, he miraculously is right as rain again a few days later ehem! (thanks to mum and dad). If the child isn’t getting enough food, it’s up to you. But on the positive side, make sure your support network realises this by asking (demanding) special treatment (teas, coffees, cakes etc.) for at least for the first month. Put it this way, you will only be able to use this excuse for so long, make the most of it!

2. In truth though….You are not on your own.

I believe many women end up beating themselves up about breastfeeding. Yes, it is natural. No, it isn’t for everyone. No, it doesn’t make you a bad mum if you need help. No, you will not kill your child if it requires formula. The stress of a complicated birth, twinned with lack of sleep and an emotional state to rival any of your favourite soaps, funnily enough is not the perfect conditions for breastfeeding. But for many this is how the breastfeeding journey starts. However, do not fear, there are tonnes of places that offer support and advice and even if you think it’s the weirdest question, or something completely stupid, someone somewhere will have asked it before you so don’t worry. But be careful…

3. Avoid breastfeeding nazis.

Many of these people are well-meaning individuals that a) had an uncomplicated birthing experience b) love sharing their experiences c) are self-involved, tunnel-visioned individuals sent to make you look/feel bad, d) all of the above. Ok this is a slight exaggeration. Some of these people will regale you with stories that they never experienced the 5th day depression, that breastfeeding felt so easy and natural, it was never painful and that they may choose to breastfeed till the child is old enough to take its gcse’s. Don’t feel bad about your experience! It’s yours and everyone’s is different. If you want to feel bad for anyone, feel bad for their child, they are the one who will have to live with her.

4. Get comfortable, you are going to be here a while.

In the first few days don’t expect to do much. This child is like a limpet and the boob is its rock. Get a box set on, get snacks around you, put your feet up and as much as possible relax. The one thing you will learn through this though is when given 5 minutes where the child is not stuck to you or you are not catching up on sleep, your ability to get stuff done in double quick time has improved. Procrastination is no longer a word you understand.

5. Bye bye breasts as you once knew them.

Let’s put things straight for many women it will never feel normal. As a young woman you learn that breasts are things that get ogled at by men, we choose to put in expensive and decadent fabrics and the rest of the world judges you on (not entirely true but you get the point). We are then expected in one fell swoop to forget this and realise that these are now functional items of hardware and even the thought of them as resembling anything remotely sexual makes you feel slightly sick and uncomfortable. Your breasts will from now have two states resembling both a lump of porridge in a sock or a bulletproof vest. Your nipples will nearly always be sticking out, may become larger and no one warns you about stretch marks on boobs. Just another delight to look forward to.

6. It hurts.

Now don’t get me wrong learning this now is probably no use or ornament. If you are pre baby then it’s not like you can do exercises to help prepare yourself (although what you do in your private time is up to you) and if your baby has already arrived the pain will probably have already arrived so strap yourself in, buy some nipple cream and grit your teeth. But on the positive side, it gets better. I know, I know there is no help in this either. It’s like telling you that you have to walk into a wall every day but eventually it will feel less like you are walking into a wall and eventually walking into a wall will feel entirely normal. But even once the pain subsides there is mastitis, nipple blisters, cracked nipples, back ache the list goes on. Welcome to a whole world of pain you didn’t know existed. The pain does eventually go. Just keeping speaking the mantra ‘it will pass’.

7. It wouldn’t be so hard if sleep were possible.

In theory breastfeeding is easy. Formula feeding requires sterilising, bottle washing and a mental capacity to remember how many scoops you have put in the bottle at 3am in the morning when your eyes feel like someone has sewn them together and your feet hurt because not only did you walk back and forth down the hallway an hour ago but you have now stubbed your toe on the baby bouncer for the 50th time this week. Whereas breastfeeding is get the boob out and get going. And on the whole it wouldn’t be too bad if you got a decent amount of sleep. But for most breastfed babies, sleep is not on the agenda. Breastfeed babies tend to graze, take mini snacks and forget instantly that they only fed 5 minutes ago, requiring you never to be more than 10ft away at all times.

8. Expressing is harder than it looks.

For many women expressing gives them the opportunity for someone else to feed the child, rest painful nipples, catch up on sleep, and run for the door and never come back (I am only joking…. kind of). But in this baby feeding blur of the first year nothing is ever simple. Firstly many women struggle to express, whether that be supply related, the shape of your boobs, the way the weather has changed, if Venus is the third quarter!!! What I am trying to say is that expressing can be very hit and miss some days. There seems to be no rhyme or reason why one day you are like a garden sprinkler (an appropriate analogy considering the broken shower headed way your boobs spray in every direction thinkable) and on other days a hose pipe ban would have been in place, and this happens without any prior warning or any viable reason.

But being able to express is only half the battle. Once you have taken the time to express (FYI sadly you are not like a tap, it takes a while) your little ‘darling’ suddenly decides to get all very new age on you and decides that it wants food straight from source, none of this bottled and packaged nonsense. Who knew a baby could be so discerning as such a young age.

9. Breastfeeding in public is not as bad as you think.

None of us are exhibitionists. And very few of us are hippy, free-loving new-agers. We made the decision that in order to have any semblance of a life we would need to at some point leave the house. Don’t get me wrong you may, when you leave the house, wish you were back in it again with all the faff of remembering to pack spare nappies, clothes, Muslins, toys, teething rings, infacol, rations, the kitchen sink (have I forgotten anything…. probably). But once out it dawns on you, the one thing people dislike more than a breastfeeding mother is a screaming child. So the quicker you come to terms with breastfeeding in public, the quicker the other coffee shop customers can go back to grumbling about the weather in peace.

10. Operation breastfeeding.

Weird way of looking at it but think of it as military operation and you won’t go far wrong. Preparation and forward thinking goes a long way in this battle. Go to the toilet before feeding, get yourself in a position you feel comfortable, get you phone, your iPad, your kindle next to you, get water, provisions, pillows, sleeping bags and anything else you may need. The more relaxed and in control you feel, the better the child will be. Get comfortable and resign yourself to the fact that some days are just not going to happen. Don’t feel bad if you haven’t left your pjs all day, or that you have seriously considered going to the door to receive a parcel whilst your boobs are out. This is a complicated process and tactical manoeuvres are necessary to get the job done.

Finally, don’t forget that the child may never thank you for it but you are doing the best you can for that child. And even through vomit ridden hair and make-up that was applied a week ago that has still not been removed, you are doing great. You are doing something brilliant and whether you decide to breastfeed for a few weeks or much later in life, you are giving your child the best start you can.

This was posted in Bdaily's Members' News section by Victoria Last .