Member Article

North East divorcees compete more over kids: survey

A survey by national law firm Simpson Millar has revealed the complexities facing divorced and separated parents in North East at Christmas time.

• 42% of divorced parents in the North East worry about having to compete with their ex partner for children’s’ affections (11% above national average)
• 29% of newly separated parents in the North East cannot remain on speaking terms to make arrangements for the first Christmas apart
• 38% have sought legal advice to help them find a solution

The Simpson Millar Family Law Christmas Survey 2014 uncovers the most significant challenges separated parents in North East face in the lead up to the Festive Season, showing that mums and dads frequently struggle to find common ground while worrying about issues such as whether their ex partners are spoiling the children to win affection, or if new family members are having a bad influence.

Ann Owens, Newcastle-based Family Law Solicitor and partner at Simpson Millar, explains: “We looked at the general approach divorced and separated parents take to Christmas; how do they organise who gets the children? Do they plan ahead to avoid arguments and do custody arrangements have an influence on how the holiday season is planned out.

Getting it together for Christmas?

“42% of parents in the North East admitted that the biggest challenge for them ahead of their first Christmas apart was in competing with their ex partner for children’s’ affections. Also, 29% struggled to remain on speaking terms at all; however this was much lower than the national average, suggesting the region’s parents can keep up a dialogue with their ex.”

One of the major causes of disputes between divorced and separated parents, says Ann, is when they leave things too late before making arrangements at Christmas. “Just under a quarter (21%) admit they are ‘cutting it fine’ or ‘leaving it until the last minute’ to make arrangements for Christmas. Last year, we were approached by several distraught fathers just a few days before Christmas – desperately asking for help because their child’s mother had decided to deny them time with the children over the holidays. But although sometimes the only way to ensure access is by applying to the courts, leaving it until the last minute is unwise.”

Are parents really listening to their children?

The survey also discovered an interesting dichotomy in how divorced and separated parents consider their children’s wishes at Christmas. “This was a fascinating revelation, in that only 12% admitted to asking their children what they wanted to do at Christmas, but seven times more parents (59%) said their children’s ‘opinions are an important factor’. We often find when warring parents come to Simpson Millar for advice, they are adamant they are thinking only of their children, but in my experience, children often don’t mind which parent they are with on 25 December. I try to encourage parents to make it a bonus that their children get to enjoy two different Christmas Days – sadly this doesn’t happen often.”

A forgiving bunch

A potential silver lining is that in actual fact the mums and dads in the North East can be a pretty forgiving bunch. It may surprise you to learn that (22%) of divorced and separated parents actually spend their Christmas Day together as a family. This is certainly not the case across all of the UK as other regions such as West Midlands have only 11% of parents willing to come together for Christmas.

This was posted in Bdaily's Members' News section by Elina Miezite .